Betty ford says i'm here all night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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