What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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