DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
