my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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