Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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