I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
