I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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