There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
