need another drink. this is the easiest way
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
