I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
