We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
