I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
