Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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