if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
