I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drunk is not a location!
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