reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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