so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
