I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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