Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
