u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
