It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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