the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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