Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
