Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
