he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
