And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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