i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
