just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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