Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
