i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
