Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This is my gift to your gina
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
FUCK WHALES
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
