I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
