girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
