no, he came in my armpit
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
