cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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