I'm passing your future prison.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
