I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
