A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
