Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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