A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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