just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
