I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
