Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
