I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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