do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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