I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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