Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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