when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
