Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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