My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
