i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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