what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
