I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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