he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
