You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
