My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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